Lord Flashheart Quotes From Blackadder Series 2 and 4

Rik Mayall played two incarnations of Lord Flashheart in Blackadder in series 2 and series 4. Here’s some of the best bits!

Rik Mayall Flashheart Blackadder

Rik Mayall was a British actor, writer, and comedian who is considered to be one of the pioneers of alternative comedy in the UK. He rose to fame during the 1980s with appearances on shows such as The Young Ones and Bottom. He also guest starred in British Comedy classic Blackadder in 3 series.

Rik Mayall as Flash in Blackadder

It’s for two series of Blackadder though that Rik Mayall is particularly well known, thanks to his loud, narcissistic, womanising, and arrogant alter ego Lord Flashheart. Here are some of the best quotes from Lord Flashheart:

Lord Flashheart Quotes

(Blackadder Series 2, “Bells”)

It’s me, Flash! Flash by name, Flash by nature. Hurrah!

Riky Mayall Lord Flashheart - Flash by name, Flash by nature!

Thanks bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to.

Thanks bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to.

Hey Melchie! Still worshipping God? Last thing I heard He started worshipping ME…

Ah Nursie, I like it firm and fruity. Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket? Down boy, down.

She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man’s tonsils.

She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man’s tonsils.

Weird. I always feel more comfy in a dress.

I’ve got a plan, and it’s as hot as my pants!

So long, suckers!

Squadron Commander the Lord Flashheart Quotes

(Blackadder Series 2, “Private Plane”)

Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!

Aha! How disgusting. A Boche on the sole of my boot. I shall have to find a patch of grass to wipe it on. Probably get shunned in the Officers’ Mess. Sorry about the pong you fellows, trod in a Boche and can’t get rid of the whiff.

Oh, that’s a piece of luck. Thought I’d landed sausage-side! Ha!

Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I’m missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. I wouldn’t want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face!

Hi, Flashheart here. Yeah, cancel the state funeral, tell the King to stop blubbing. Flash is not dead. I simply ran out of juice!

Yeah, and before all the girls start saying “Oh, what’s the point of living anymore”, I’m talking about petrol! Woof, woof!

I dumped the kite on the proles, so send a car. General Melchett’s driver should do. She hangs around with the big nobs, so she’ll be used to a fellow like me! Woof, woof!

You must be pretty impressed having Squadron Commander the Lord Flashheart drop in on your squalid bit of line.

Flashheart drops in

I bet you go all girly and giggly every time you look at me.

Well, all right, you fellows. Let’s sit us down and yarn about how amazingly attractive I am.

Have you any idea what it’s like to have the wind rushing through your hair?

Well, well, well. If it isn’t little Bobby Parkhurst– saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.

Well, that’s how I like my girls–direct and to my point. Woof!

You could even bring the breath monster here. Anyone can be a navigator if he can tell his arse from his elbow.

Hey, girls! Look at my machinery!

Well, well, well, well, well. If it isn’t old Captain Slack Bladder.

All right men, let’s do-oo-oo it! The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite . . . like you treat your woman

I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back.

Hey, wet-pants! This isn’t the Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Corps. You’re in the Twenty Minuters now.

God’s potatoes, George. You said noble brother friars were in the lurch. If I’d known you meant old Slack Bladder and the mound of the hound of the Baskervilles, I’d probably have let them stew in their own juice.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Now I may be packing the kind of tackle that you’d normally expect to find swinging about between the hindlegs of a Grand National winner, but I’m not totally stupid, and I’ve got the kind of feeling you’d rather we hadn’t come.

Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it, doesn’t mean that I’m not sick of this damn war: the blood, the noise, the endless poetry.

Now get out that door before I redecorate that wall an interesting new colour called `hint of brain’.

Blackadder funny name for a guy

Last person I called `Darling’ was pregnant twenty seconds later.

Well, this isn’t a reasonable use of my time and resources, but I’m going to do it anyway.

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